Search me

rockin'

I write this blog primarily as a record of things I do with my hands and a few notable (to me) life things.  I used to keep a written journal, but stopped over a decade ago.  I sort of keep sketchbooks and “idea” books, but only sporadically and they’re often hard to decipher.  So the blog format does in its metadata what I don’t tend to do in life – keep track of dates and things in general in an orderly fashion – and has neat writing and doesn’t require anything sticky for pictures.  So I really don’t care about having thousands hundreds tens of followers (although sponsorship and getting free shit would be nice, though I also find that annoying) and I don’t pay much attention to the statistics, however I’m finding some of the search terms people have used and (sometimes unfortunately) ended up here fascinating and/or amusing.  The bulk of them are practical – people looking up patterns, ideas for recycling fabrics, and people and places I’ve mentioned, but a few stick out.

So I will try to give you what you were really looking for, answer your questions, or encourage you to come back to clarify, in honor of my blogiversary.

Though the web has gotten so vast that you no longer need professionals and masters degrees (like mine) to make an optimal query in a search engine (and I’m also guilty of occasionally just typing in short questions) some people are taking it a bit too far:

WHAT ADJUSTMENTS DO I NEED TO MAKE A HONEYCOWL OUT OF SOCKWEIGHT YARN

Um, if you know the Honeycowl, then you probably use ravelry, so get off Google and use their awesome search features to see how others did it, fool.

And of course for the dirtier of mind, I’m sure plenty experience disappointment in landing here – some terms are just dull, others I may intentionally use just for shits and giggles, like:

COCK SOCKS

Which no, I’ll not quite give you that, but enjoy the Red Hot Chili Peppers instead.

Another searched for:

SOCK MONKEY LUDE PICS

And I’ll happily oblige, that is if you really meant “lewd”… otherwise I do not know what a  sock monkey would pop to chill out.

monkey-suck

(I was too lazy or mildly creeped out to stage this in a more sexy setting…)

monkey-reach

And one of my favorites:

DUSTY OLD THINGS

This might be the pass-phrase to my heart.  And hopefully you’ve been back recently to take in my post about the dusty old things I recently found.

And an obsession with gender-appropriateness in which I do not understand:

DOES WEARING A POLYESTER SCARF MAKE ME LOOK GAY

Yes, if it is rainbow colored (but even then you could just be a supporter of gay rights).  Otherwise you just look cheap and a supporter of petrochemicals and possibly slave labor.

MAN WEARING BAKTUS

Here’s a man in a baktus (and a lacy one to boot):

baktus2-done

And one that I searched for myself:

BAD HAT QUILT

Not sure what this could mean – a quilt made of bad/ugly hats?  Badly knitted hats?  Then that would be an afghan of sorts… Or a tiny quilt to cover a bad hat?  Or a tiny quilt to tuck in the unloved hat at night? Or by bad do you mean good?

And some mild WTFs:

SLIMY GREEN SNOT WORM

You should probably get that checked out, or if you are a child, get away from the screen and go outside to play.

BEER BOX QUILT

A quilt made from beer boxes?  Are you a hobo?

UNEMPLOYMENT PAINTINGS

Yeah, aren’t those most paintings?

HOW TO DRESS A ROOM WITH SANDED FLOOR

One sleeve (curtain) at a time, or a little oil and vinegar.

IN WHICH FINGER SHOULD JADEITE BE WORN

Whoa, are you planning to surgically bejewel yourself? 

SOCK FOOT MAN TUCK

I don’t know if this is supposed to be dirty or if it’s an inquiry about taking in now baggy socks after significant weight loss…

FLOOR SANDER TSHIRTS

Do you mean the best t-shirts to use as rags while sanding the floor?  Or the logo of sanding machine?  Or do you want to buy one?

If so, here are three from which you may choose that I made just for you!

fig,white,scoop,ffffff

fig,white,mens,ffffff2

fig,white,tank,ffffff

 

Check out my redbubble shop for more ASTITCHMATISM swag including veggie weenie totes and phone cases – not sure how long I’ll have it up, so get stuff now!

I STILL HAVE JET LAG

I’m sorry, that really sucks, but at least you got home with all fingers intact and the luxury of leisure time or a tolerant boss who hasn’t fired your slacking-off ass yet.

CHEAPER ALTERNATIVE TO HEXAGON FLOOR TILE

Hex tile (not the fancy-pants marble or 100% authentic reproduction stuff) is really some of the most affordable (and attractive) floor tile available, but it’s most cheap if you learn to install it yourself – it’s really not that difficult – you can do it!

YARN OPENESS

My yarn and I have a really special relationship, I know that my yarn can come to talk to me about absolutely anything, no matter how embarrassing or scary – the key is to set boundaries but always have a swinging gate of dialog – and maybe you’ll be proud of your yarn someday too.

ORGANIC FARM CURTAINS

I think that is evidence that we’ve lost all hope.

HOW DO YOU SPELL TCHOTZKIE

Tchotchke.

(But if you landed here, does that mean I spelled it wrong somewhere…?)

SISTER BROTHER FISTBAD WAP

And with that, I’ve got nothing (hopefully it’s not something awful).

Thanks for reading and do stick around for another year!

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Search me

  1. Katie

    Grackleandsun took the words right out of my mouth. So does this mean if I google something insane along with “astitchmatism,” it’ll be known to you? Or I could do this with poet friends who have websites? This is fabulous news to the prankster in me.

    • Yes, only you don’t have to put in the website – just googling random things takes you to random places, and I often use random terms somewhat intentionally or to dilute the commonly used language of the web, like “all the language”….

  2. Katie

    Two successes just now. Let me know if you can see what I googled to get to you. Tremendous enjoyment, considering the wealth of rich language I have to draw from…

    • Glad to provide further enjoyment (distraction)… Let’s see, perhaps: “remove sticky from jungle gym” & “man sand cock socks”? Or are you the genius behind “pile of knickers” & “want to buy yarn that gaypride colors”?

  3. Katie

    None of those is mine, though I would be pleased to say they were. I already forget what I googled, but if there’s ever something of true genius, please attribute it to me.

    • Ah, I also recently got many “unknown” search terms which have something to do with privacy settings or a particular browser… unfortunately “unknown” doesn’t just mean wtf like it should…

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