Back to back illnesses in the last week made it seem I was handed someone else’s new years resolutions done and dusted.
Give up drinking – check.
Break caffeine addiction – check.
Lose a few pounds – check.
So my resolutions are to reverse those (the coffee was getting a bit out of hand, so I’ll keep that one more in check).
(And I wouldn’t mind keeping off the few pounds but I recently purged all of my pants that only fit well after an IBS flare-up, so I’m looking extra frumpy/saggy.)
I didn’t get to do my annual feat of organization/medium-sized accomplishment that I like to do this time of year, so I’m starting off the new year with a slightly bad/sad/frustrated attitude. I was going to get my wet photography supplies and photographs in a purged and condensed, possibly final, form. But in truth, I’m probably not quite ready for that, so it was going to be a big production of dragging everything out, looking at it all, then re-packing and reducing the size by one box or so. I can’t let go of real photography, but I haven’t been in a darkroom or set up my own for at least 15 years – I’m not comfortable with the environmental aspects of chemicals and water use for something other than life, and there’s also some bad mojo tied up with my job loss this past year and my failure to get into an MFA program a couple of years ago, so I’d have thought cutting the cord would be easier…
But my prints, cameras, and their accouterments are already a fairly manageable lot, tucked away in a closet, except for an enlarger and tub at the folk’s place – the only things left there after the last trip out at Thanksgiving – and for the first time in my adult life, everything I’ve ever owned is now in one place and it feels very burdensome. Luckily a few things I’m not so attached to have value – some children’s books, perhaps a doll or two, and even expired film – but my shelves of items currently up for sale/auction are growing faster than going out the door.
I’ve been at peace, even happy tinged with smugness, at my now utterly frugal life, but I’m starting to see the shabbiness in the cold [not cold enough to kill the ticks, dammit] winter light, and it’s time to replace a few things with new, but shopping brings out even more grump. (And I’m always off – I should have been looking for a wool coat in October, or August? not now when the racks are nearly bare).
But there’s likely a psychological reason for it – I’m being confronted with the past lately, so I’m yearning for something new…?
But I’m not going to dwell on it.
My fiber projects for the new year are to finish most of what I’ve got in the works now (one pair of socks is just so almost done but always seem to need 10 more rows) and crank out a long vest and coat/cardigan and whatever else I mentioned in that recent post.
Around the house, the final reno of the bathroom is becoming more urgent due to a dubious happening with the floor, we need to set up the grow station (or commit to buying tomato and pepper plants again), and the yard has some challenges that still make me curl up into a ball. I’ve also got my own list of small tasks I wanted to complete while underemployed, but still haven’t been able to carve out – small, but messy jobs, mostly involving painting and re-flooring insides of closets.
And the biggest challenge is personal – I’m still not any closer to figuring out how to get my career back on track or reconfigured – I’m less angry now, so it might be possible to do a variation of what I was doing before, but I’m still not in a good geographical area for that (not without a nasty, expensive commute). I’ve been reading some books, but to not much use – nay, detriment really – so I need to find another approach…
2 responses to “So this is the new year”
Alright. What were the 4H champion ribbons for? I’m sorry about the job situations. Something will give, right? Are there not more enviro-friendly developing chemicals? I don’t know how any of that works, but I still miss actual developed photographs. There’s something different about them. Maybe just my nostalgia, I don’t know.
Chickens mostly – both meat and breeding, but also for “creative arts” and sometimes food & nutrition. The chicken trophies are pretty awesome – had to keep a few of those.
Real photos are different – they’really closer to what the eye actually sees rather than ones and zeros… I hope the chemistry has improved, and there are good filtering and silver recovery systems, but it takes a lot of water and we’ve got a shallow shitty well now… I don’t know about the medium these days though, if it might make a resurgence like vinyl records…?